i packed up my valise
you packed up your bag
you had ten white T-shirts and a black do-rag
we were going to huntington where the snow settles down like ermine
what the future holds for us we are too young and too hungry to determine
you put on your smile like a sable cape
i couldn't help but wonder if i was making a mistake
a little snow starting the sky sealed like a drum
I kick into gear hear the engine hum
when we are inscribed in the book of fate
i hope they glue a photo to the page
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I'd like to see you work with rhyme a little more, Talia, to develop a better sense of meter-- and also because I think free verse is a little TOO easy for you; you're very good at it, but rhyme is an important arrow in a poet's quiver.
ReplyDeleteOh, and by the way, I thought of you yesterday! I found a book in the school library entitled "Dr. Seuss Goes To War" -- it contained Dr. Seuss' World War II political cartoons, and I thought you'd leaf through it looking very interested, and ooh and ahh a little bit if you thought someone was watching you (because you are a book-displayin' girl, I think), and then set it back down gently on the shelf and wander off.